That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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