im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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