I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
