ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
