Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need moral support for this bender
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
