I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
