OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
