Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
