if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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