I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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