There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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