Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
