All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
