I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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