Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
