so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
