You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
