New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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