put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
