We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
