Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
