i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
