This girl is more easily done than said...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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