no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
