I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
