You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
