the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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