We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
