Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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