i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
