dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
