I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
