we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The air was thick with penises
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize