well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
