do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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