the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
