whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
