The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
