I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
