Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
