its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
