He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
