Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
