he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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