Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
