i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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