who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
