I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
