living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
