We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
